Edward's Intentions
by Ajazzy
Summary: What Edward's intentions where when leaving in New Moon. SongficDiaryfic


**AN: I don't own Twilight… but oh if I did…. Hehehe **

"…better with a clean break."

_I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head  
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed_

"You…don't….want me?

_  
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone  
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home_

"No."

_  
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain  
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you **never** call again?_

"I will always love you…..in a way…"

_  
And will you **never** say that you love me just to put it in my face?  
And will you **never** try to reach me?  
It is I that wanted space_

"But what happened last night made me realize it's time for a change…"  
_  
Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

"Because I'm **tired** of pretending I'm something I'm not…."  
_  
Hate me in ways  
Yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's __**good **__for you_

"..I'm not….human…."__

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with  
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again  


"I'm sorry…."

_  
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night  
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight_

_You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate  
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take_

October 10th

I hope she's forgotten about me. Able to live her life the way it was meant.. Without me.

_  
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I **never** cross your mind  
And do **whatever** it takes in your heart to leave me behind  
_

October 22nd

Going crazy would be an understatement. I miss her blush. Her chocolate eyes. Her amazing way to make my non-existent heart jump. I miss her. I love her.

_  
Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

October 31st

Please take me from this suffering. I can't live without her. But I must. This way is better for her.. It's safe.  
_  
Hate me in ways  
Yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's __**good**__ for you_

November 8th

Isabella Marie Swan. The name will be etched into me for as long as I can feel pain. I will never forget it.__

And with a sad heart I say _**bye**__ to you and wave  
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made_

November 17th

"Us" was a mistake.. But that doesn't mean I'll not always remember how much you meant… MEAN to me.

_  
And like a baby boy I **never** was a man  
Until I saw your brown eyes cry and I held your face in my hand_

November 25th

I can't do this. This agonizing pain is something I can't stand. Every second since I've left is hell. Pure hell.

_  
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"  
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be  
And then she whispered "How can **you** do this to **me**?"_

December 13th

I'm sure she's alright now. She's long forgotten about me. She must've. Please let me know she has. Please.__

Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

She's dead. How could I ever think she would be better off without me? I can't move. Can't blink. This can't be true. But it is. And now it's time for me to go and be with my love away from this Earth forever. Together.__

Hate me in ways  
Yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's _**good**__ for you_

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. very dark, but there were stars- points of light and reason... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. when you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

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**R&R Flames encouraged J**


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